Saturday, June 27, 2009

Trying to Manipulate Ones Experience

So many times I am finding that people are living their lives because of the experience that someone else has had in their lives. People constantly pushing other people to live their lives in a certain way because THEY experienced a great deal of success dealing with it this way. "I handled something this way so you should handle it this way as well, that will be best for you...." Who are we to judge what will be best for someone else's experience on this planet.

I had a situation recently in which my dear Partner is going through a situation that is particularly difficult in this time in her life. I had gone through a similar situation a few years back and found that when I stayed in the place of hardship, I was able to heal the wounds that surrounded that place and look at the place and my place in the place with brand new eyes, an open heart and an expanded awareness as to why I felt so much pain in this place. It was because of my association to it. I changed all the associations and rose into loving My native Place of Los Angeles, CA. So as she has meandered her way around past associations and hardships related to the native land, I have been pushing my way of healing onto her, thinking that it is the only way to get through something of this nature. A great realization comes when we realize that every being indeed has their own way of processing a different situation. And, if we push them to see it a certain way, we might be expelling them into a space that is actually stunting their growth in this lifetime. I actually had become an asshole and was doing things that would actually force her to have to go through an experience in the similar way that i did, when all she wanted to do was leave this place and process it from her safe place. Now, I judged the hell out of this desire as I felt it was weak and I also felt it to be running away from the pain. She saw it as a necessary way to deal with this particular situation in her life. And, the fact is, she has been stuck here having to go through it and has realized that this is the way that she must deal with it for now, away, in a safe space.

After weeks of resisting her place and wishing to force her into seeing my truth, I have expanded my heart, honoring her needs. It is not important for me to understand and see it her way, what is important is for me to be a friend, to honor her process and to Share what I have learned, not to force it. Religions have been manipulating people for centuries with this behavior and I felt no better then that for acting the way that I did. I am grateful to see it and have forgiven myself for my actions, taking responsibility for the nature of them. We will see when that great Divine gives me another opportunity, how I will behave in that space again.


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