Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Hands Full - Growth Stunted

One of those wonderful phases of of life has dawned in which there is too much to do and what seems like so little time!!!! I love it how my mind can make sense of doing nothing instead of taking just a short step at doing a little bit of something. Self-loathing comes into play as I dance through the algorithms of my head, pondering what it would be like if I had been studying these guitar rifts for the last 10 years, instead of always starting my practice and then stopping as something easily takes precedence, like eating or talking!!! The realization of practice makes us better has settled into my system and is harking upon me like a virus, as I meddle in the mud of delusion, thinking I am going to wake up one morning and just be "that good." Then comes in that funny little voice that wants to just throw it all away because the pain of slowly growing into greatness is far to out of reach then the short term bliss of masturbation or indulgent, sugar filled chocolate, one in the same I believe. Now, I know I have reached a point in my life where I know that the work I put into my daily existence and the discipline that I retain is going to make me the musician and teacher that I am supposed to be, but, that little boyhood pattern of wanting everything to come easy is fighting it's way fearlessly in my day to day life at this time. The Cries of Life are pouring out like a river!!! Our patterns, at times, can be even more of a handicap then pure handicap itself. That pain of knowing you can do it, but selfishly talking yourself out of it brings the weight of worlds on my back!!!!! THE TIME IS NOW!!!

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