Saturday, January 31, 2009

Short Trip Back To The West - Jan. 8th, 2009

On a personal note, 2009 began in a perfect and paradoxical way, as it should. This year of intense growth and expansion, which I foresee it as, started from the very moment that the clock struck the hour of the new year. I was in the middle of GOA surrounded by my dear friends whom I was honored to welcome into India, and I felt nothing but a complete sense of heaviness come over my entire being, and, for the most part, that heaviness has not lifted. I am being challenged to the core inside of intimate relationships, communion with my fellow human beings and energetic exchanges with the people whom are a mirrored reflection of my past limitations. This is where Goa comes in!!

Now, I am not sure if I can blame my behavior, insecurity and unconscious self-banter on a place, but when you surround yourself in the midst of India's Spring Break, obviously and much richer experience then the typical Mexico Spring Break but with a similar energy, you are bound to have some past emotion surface in the process. Day after day, as I meandered through the Western Run state of India, overrun with drugs, alcohol and excessive amounts of indulgence in shopping and food, the so-called growth of my last year in India came to an near immediate crash. I became insensitive, angry, judgemental, and self-destructive. the first conversation of the new year had to do with some Westerners bashing a group of other Westerners because they were partying on the Island in a different way!!! I chose to spend the first 2 hours of 2009 in silence, setting the intention that I would be more careful with the words that would come out of my mouth. Did I keep to this intention, far from it really!!!!

Now I know that indulgence and self-mutalation is what got me to the point in my life that I am right now, but to see, how easily the Western influence can have an effect on my energy and flow was quite suprising and left me weary for my proposed summer return. Have I grown at all??? is this all just an illusion?? is!!!

I am still a huge fan of Goa in Monsoon and probably always will be. i found this time in Goa to be quite a disgrace as I watch Western Civililzation take over the entire state, leaving the locals as mere servants to their indulgence. Gladly so, I am sure, as Goa is quite possibly the most expensive place in India. I am sure they make enough money in these three short months to be able to support the rest of the year with their community and people. So, what is 3 months of servitude when you are graces with 9 months of freedom. Small price to pay!!

On a positive note......I must say that it was a great pleasure to welcome my two great friends back into the great motherland. Since I have been in India for the past year and a few months, not one person has come to visit of followed up on their proposed plan to come home, finally, at the very end of 2008, that dream came true and I was able to welcome dear friends into the Great Mother with open arms and an eager smile. What a blessing!!

As I spend the rest of this year trudging through the fear of intimacy, stomping through the muddy waters of self-defeat, and breaking down the barriers that have limited my expansion in the universe, I feel it all a great preparation for the offerings that I have to share. The Time is Now!!!

I am greatful for the deep look into the future as I know much of my work with be in the West!! So, I let it burn, knowing nothing is forever and there is no absolute, only moments in time stepping backwards down a ladder of emotional conditioning, only to be re-instated into the bliss of heart opening!!

1 comment:

Unknown said...

This is the same beautiful world of yours... no worries. Life is full of contradictions...

No good, no bad... Just as it is... With your "double" Being in it...