Sunday, May 10, 2015

She Lives in You

This is my Mom, Janet Lee Pohnke.  She was a single mom raising two children. She began her journey into Motherhood on welfare without the presence of a Man, she harbored the responsibility of raising two boys on her own with the occasional help from family and friends.  To say that my relationship with her was special, would be an understatement, she was my world.  She was a woman whom always did her best to make sure that the people around her felt great, laughed a lot and that her children were safe and protected.  Through childhood I was allowed the freedom to be, whomever I wanted to be.  I was supported, nurtured, loved and as my moms success continued to blossom in her career, was showered with gifts and adoration to the point of spoiling.  Now, in my adult years, I have come to find out that this kind of enabling can be quite disabling for a child, as co-dependency can rise and the child can become needy and clingy and think that everything should be given to him (that was me :_), but, not a day goes by that I fail to appreciate the core of my mom’s intention, the intention to BE the best Mom that she could be. 

In my early 20’s, she passed away after a long bout with Cancer.  For me, a piece of my world instantly vanished and something even more profound then her physical presence was gained …. I was filled with the guidance of her soul, to explore a deeper part of our relationship that existed beyond the patterns of our social conditioning.  I gave my first speech about connection at her funeral, I wrote my first song, a re-make of the String Cheese Incident Song “Smile” for the same event.  I traveled and felt her spirit guiding me and would recognize her soul’s guiding presence in the form of feathers, which I would receive in places birds just do not travel, like INSIDE of airplanes.  Now, 15 years after her passing I still feel the presence of the part of her that was here to guide me, the part that her humanness could not express, and I hold that deep wisdom dear to my heart and allow it to be a light on my path of liberation.  The wisdom that only exists in the eyes of a Mother.

To all of my beloved Humans out there that are traveling today without the physical presence of their beloved mother, I invite you to look deep inside and feel her presence with you fully, she is there, guiding your every step, sending you strength and wisdom with each and every breath, offering her deepest love and nurturing so that you will spend the rest of your life smiling, for that is all she every really wanted. 

If sadness arises over the loss, feel it, dive into it, share it, but then again, look inside .... she IS .... Still Alive :-)

I Love you!

No comments: