Sunday, February 1, 2009


Have you ever felt like something great was coming your way, but the pain that precedes it comes on so strong that you feel like throwing in the towel of life at that very instance??? Oh what a beautiful disaster. Anticipation, contemplation, expectation all led me into an abyss of emotional release that I feel is preparing me for the next phase in the journey of life. Literally, from the moment the bell struck 12 OCLOCK on New Year's Eve, something extremely powerful had come into my being plunging me into an introverted look inside the patterns of my unconscious and conscious mind. Feelings of rage and jealousy, thoughts of separation and pushing away those in my life came to the forefront. My stomach began to convulse with emotional blockage and tied up knots of energy. For almost a full 10 days, starting with 12 AM on the dot, New Years Day, I bleed and burned away years and years of relationship karma and fear. Those insensitive thoughts, the competitive thoughts, The Vocal lashing out, those non-trusting, wall-building, controlling thoughts all came to an head and landed upon the closest person to me, and, this person was also sharing in these patterns that destroy human relationships.

This time really brought together some extremely vital realizations that have continued since the journey during that time. Being Alone is Easy!!! Having a constant mirror in front of you, showing you the depths of yourself, your walls and your fears is when the real work comes in!! Did I overcome the challenge and merge into oneness with the other person? I really cannot say that I did, but, I burned through a whole lot of stored baggage that can destroy any chance of furthering my evolution on this planet. Intimate relationships are the one thing that can really press each and every part of your being and at many times leave you Lost in translation, contemplating the thoughts and every action of the person so close to you at the time. Sometimes I wonder if I am supposed to walk the path of the family man, many times, I know I could be a great father and partner to another, and other times, I go into the space and merge into all beings in that space. I give infinite amounts of props to the ones holding human relationships together at this time. Our conditioning from this generation has given us a deep sense of independence and self-consuming mind sets. Sharing your life with someone means merging into their very existence and moving as an organism, like the entirety of the earth and the universe. This great merger comes only when two people and burned through the years and years of taught separation and destructive thoughts that keep them "so-called" SINGLE!!! What does that even mean??? We are all ONE. Intimate relations shine the light on the truth of your existence and thinking patterns. How are you when the mirror in front of you is reflecting the part of you that you try so hard to forget and bury? When we take a look at that pattern, burn it up and merge into love, intimate relationships will blossom out of those disgusting self-consumed patterns into a true merger of one with all humanity. Personally, my preparations have began, mastering this is "hands down" lifes greatest challenge. But, I have arrived and am ready to look it straight in the eyes!!! Here we go!!

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