This was written on May 24th, 2012 and I have been in the light now for long enough to post it :)
Sometimes I go through some incredible waves of semi-depressive states in which I will commence to sink myself even deeper by indulging in media that furthers ingrains fear and negative thoughts. Today I am taking a strong hold to eradicate those things from my life, but, as with many things, I had to enjoy one last final ride. Just like the night before I quit drinking, I got completely obliterated, and when I have my crazy "I am quitting sugar" phases I will eat a whole box of sweets. I guess it is just the way I deal with things and today I am accepting that and moving on from the spiral of negativity that was recently activated by two sources, the Showtime TV show "Dexter" and the novel "A Fine Balance" by Rohinton Mistry First let me talk about Dexter.
"Dexter" is the biggest mind F@*@ of a show that I have seen in a long time. A quick description goes like this; the show is about a man whom from childhood needed to express his dark passenger through killing, so his father taught him to kill people that he must kill people that are killing other people for no reason. Dexter has a code of conduct and morality and is charming and intelligent. The show is completely addictive, adventurous, entertaining, smart, surprising, sexy, seductive and extremely dangerous to the sub conscious. It is not a show that you come out feeling good. It is a show that, well I can imagine, is making people think in the ways of a serial killer. MMMMM, such a novel topic at this time in humanity. I can share from my own experience that this show lingers into my mind quite often when I was watching it. I also remember having dreams of killing and actually enjoying it. But I had to keep going with it, honestly, it was just soo good, but I needed the drug of Dexter out of my life, so I marothoned through it as quickly as possible and have now completely gotten it out of my life with no chance of return. I pray that the damage is short lived as I continue to reverse the effects by streaming inspiring and uplifting content in on a daily basis. I wanted to actually let go of the program around season 2, but, like many out there in the world, I was just hooked. Let that be the last!!
"A Fine Balance" by Rohinton Mistry focuses on every single negative aspect of the Indian culture that you could possibly gather into the extremely long 600 pages. His writing method has the ability to hook you into a brighter day, having hope for the evil, compassion for the lonely and love for all, but all this only too slam you down into his "so-called" realities of everything ends bad. I wonder sometimes if art like this is actually doing anything for the world. Maybe it sparks someone to make a change, do something better or live a better life, but how many people does it spark the preconceived and long time conditioned notion that everything is the world is F@#$$% UP! Well, like I have said, I put it down, left it behind along with that deep seated part of my life that is constantly yearning to sink into depression.
I just had a conversation with a friends son whom told me that every girl he comes into contact with becomes depressed! WOW, what is happening out there in the world. Come on, lets wake up into the light. I have been on the ACTIVE side of the spiritual path for more then 5 years now, an may I say active because I have always had the knowledge but never taken wholesome action, and I am still yearning after the darkness. Is it so deeply engrained!
I NOW COMMIT TO THE UNIVERSE, TO THE MULTI-VERSE, TO HUMANITY, TO YOU AND MOST IMPORTANTLY TO ME THAT I WILL SPEND THE REST OF MY DAYS STEERING INTO THE LIGHT. I AM USING DISCIPLINE IN MY ACTIONS THAT WILL SOON ERADICATE THE URGES TO GO INTO THE DARKNESS. I AM LIGHT AND I SHINE BRIGHT.